Assignment 1, Submission 1, A LETTER TO PROFESSOR BLACKSTONE
Subject line: A Self Introduction by Xian Sheng
Dear Professor Blackstone
My name is Xian Sheng and I am in your class MEC1281 T6. I hope that through this letter, you are able to understand me better.
In 2017, I have graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in mechanical engineering. During the final year of my diploma, I chose to be specialized in design and hence developed a great interest in engineering. What led me to be interested in Design is the process of creating a solution for the problems and the process of brainstorming to improve the prototype during my stage of final year project. Ever since I have always aspired to be the person that is creating a product to help those in need such as the handicapped and the elderlies
My main strength in communication comes in the form of public speaking. I am rather comfortable speaking with a big crowd and do not shy away to share my thoughts and knowledge prevailing to the topic of discussion. I used to be an introvert until I had picked up a leadership role during my secondary school days, conquering my fears and stage frights. Building up self-confidence through those experiences, I believe it had helped me from feeling flustered and able to speak confidently during a presentation.
My main weakness in communication is I tend to stutter sometimes when I could not gather my thoughts during my presentation or even conversation. This led the presentation to be explained poorly. Frequently, I have to rephrase myself to send the message across appropriately.
With opportunities and room for improvement, I have set two goals for this module. I would like to write better with the skills being taught, in a clear and concise manner. I would also like to hone and sharpen my public speaking skills. Acquiring communication skills is important for a future engineer so that instructions are passed down properly.
What sets me apart from the others is how adaptive I am to be able to speak to different personalities or culture. Upon enrolling at the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT), I was given an opportunity to work in the construction firm where I am appointed as the site supervisor. My role was to pass down instructions to the workers, came from different countries, which they understand different languages. I have to use different methods of explanations for them to understand clearly and carry out the job efficiently. With those experiences, I am able to speak to anybody comfortably.
That being said, I am looking forward to attending all the classes and improve on my writing and communication skills through your classes.
Yours sincerely
Lim Xian Sheng
MEC1281 T6
Commented on , Yeow, Suan ting, Christine.
Hi, Xian Sheng! I feel like this letter let me know a bit more about who you are as a person. The letter was written very clearly.
ReplyDeleteYou focused on 1 topic per paragraph and I feel that made the letter flow better. On top of that, you have given a good amount of background information to support your strengths and weaknesses.
However, the grammar overall can be improved and I feel that what makes you unique can be written as a strength instead as the one you wrote is somewhat contradicting when compared to your weakness.
Hi Christine
DeleteThank you for your comment. Will definitely look into the letter again and will try to improve on the points you have noted.
Cheers
Dear Xian Sheng,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this detailed introductory letter. You cover the parameters of the assignment and illustrate with examples. The letter is quite informative. I'm particularly impressed by your explanation of your interest in engineering and your oveview of your site supervisor work. I like the way that you connect that work experience to your ability to speak with a wide range of people. What isn't clear to me is whether or not you still hold the same job. The confusion is caused because you mix verb tenses.
In fact, while you do a good job developing each segment of this post, in terms of language use, there are a few issues to consider.
1. sentence structure
-- I have always aspired to be the person that is creating a product and impacting people lives such as the handicapped, elderlies and the daily problems that we have faced and will be facing. > (There's too much happening in this sentence.) ?
-- This led the presentation to be explained poorly and time to time, I have to rephrase myself to send the message across appropriately. > (Make the sentence more concise by separating the independent thoughts.) ?
-- Being a future engineer, it is important... > (We have already discussed this type of structure. Is 'it" being a future engineer?) ?
-- My role was to pass down instructions to the workers, came from different countries. > (You need a subordinate clause. See https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/sentence_variety/sentence_types.html )
2. phrasing
-- ...how adaptive I am to be able to speak to different personalities or culture. > (Be more specific.)
...how adaptive I am to be able to speak to different personalities or to members of different cultural groups.
Let's review this and refine it.
I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for taking time off to read this post.
1. Sentence structure
--I have always aspired to be the person that is creating a product and impacting people lives such as the handicapped, elderlies and the daily problems that we have faced and will be facing. > (There's too much happening in this sentence.) ?
instead of writing that, can I write " I have always aspired to be the person creating a product to help those in need such as the handicapped and elderlies."
-- This led the presentation to be explained poorly and time to time, I have to rephrase myself to send the message across appropriately. > (Make the sentence more concise by separating the independent thoughts.) ?
instead of writing that, can I write " This led the presentation to be explained poorly. Frequently, I have to rephrase myself to send the message across appropriately"
-- Being a future engineer, it is important... > (We have already discussed this type of structure. Is 'it" being a future engineer?) ?
instead of writing that, can I write "Acquiring the communication skills is important for a future engineer..."
-- My role was to pass down instructions to the workers, came from different countries. > (You need a subordinate clause.)
Instead of writing that, can I write "My role was to pass down instructions to the workers, came from different countries, which they understand in different languages"
2. phrasing
-- ...how adaptive I am to be able to speak to different personalities or culture. > (Be more specific.)
...how adaptive I am to be able to speak to different personalities or to members of different cultural groups.
For point 2, I have understand on how specific I should phrase the sentence in order to make it more detailed for the reader.
Once again, thank you for reading the introductory letter I have posted and looking forward to learn new things from you.
Regards,
Xian Sheng